The affect on the psyche after a job loss is deep.  Coping strategies are necessary mechanisms that everyone can benefit from.  Anyone who has ever experienced the loss of a job can tell you that the process to overcome the emotional issues while dealing with the scars are phenomenal.  Most of us don’t recognize how distinct are the stages we go through because they are so numbed to the experience.  Most of us don’t realize how deeply connected we are to our jobs until we don’t have them anymore.

I remember a close friend who had saved to buy a brand new car.  It had everything—a moon roof, power windows, a superior stereo system, and because it was parked on the street just outside her front door, the best theft-proof technology available at that time.  My friend was so in tune to protecting her car from harm that she thought she had covered all her bases.  Except, one morning when she went to the front window to admire her car, it wasn’t there.  Fearing the worst, she ran through the house calling her husband, thinking he may have moved it.  When she found him, he confirmed her fears. Her car had been stolen by a even smarter thief than she had imagined.   She sat and cried and cried.  As much as she had taken the right steps to protect herself and her car, she could not protect it from being stolen and she could not protect herself from being the victim of a crime.

Even after the insurance company had replaced the car and things were back to normal, my friend still suffered from her original loss.  Now, some people might say that she needed to move on with her life.  But, it does not negate the fact that she experienced a greater blow to her esteem than could be fixed by the insurance company replacing her car.  And while her car had indeed been replaced, her time to accept and grieve this bad experience had not completed itself.  The reality of the loss lasted way beyond the time it took to replace the car.  So it is fair to say that that there are no time limits on victimization and grieving process.

My friend eventually had to get rid of the new car, because the anxiety she felt every time she left it parked on the street aggravated her health, caused her to lose sleep and became too much for her to bear.   She decided to go back to driving her former car – the 1978 Chevy.  It was old and battered, but it represented less aggravation for her and less chances of being stolen. The process for overcoming a loss, no matter how material or immaterial, involves many stages leading through grief to acceptance and healing.

A few years ago, I experienced a loss.  I stepped out on faith and accepted a job from a company I had long admired and respected.  All too soon--less than 2 months, a confusing and difficult trend was cast; which when I think back had been in the making even before I came on board. Try to imagine, the extreme joy of getting a chance to go to a job and company you loved and try to imagine the thrill I felt to work with a team of people who measured up to Olympian standards of teamsmanship.  Oh, and I dare you to picture that suddenly, without provocation, the rug is pulled out from under you leaving you utterly jobless with your hopes and dreams of long-term success dashed to smithereens.  It was devastating.

I could not for the life of me imagine how or why this had happened to me. There were many sermons I preached to myself about the extenuating circumstances as to why this career move didn’t work out.   But none consoled the exasperation and sense of “going over the edge” I felt. Perhaps with some [a little] preening and crowing, I referred to this job as an assignment because it didn’t carry the feel of an ordinary job.  What topped off my respect for this company is that I knew that my employer billed the client the same hourly rate for all employees on the account, including me, the lowly administrator. My opinion was sought and I was treated like my contribution was equal to that of everyone else on the team.  This job did wonders for my self-esteem.

I struggled with the consequences of losing my job while dealing with my devastation.  As much as I know that I was not to blame for how events turned out, the voices of career development resounded loud and clear in my head.  When I check my list of should’ves, I couldn’t help but feel like someone was out to get me, or that the gods are trying to teach me a lesson, or that I was NEVER going to work again at a job that I like with people I care respected.

Much credit should be given to people living with someone who have suffered a job loss.  In their wildest dreams, they could never imagine the demons living in the minds of one who has suffered such a low blow.

Talking about it helps, but it is not always possible to calmly express the rage and anger and fear that has grown 10 feet tall inside a five foot body.  You don’t know how it became so voracious and you don’t know what to do with it.  The sheer rage consumes you from the inside, scraping the inner walls of your ego, your pride, your fortunes until you are left with an empty barren self.   You force acceptance down inside yourself, but it become entangled in your internal defense mechanism, so you scream inwardly – knowing you would do anything to make the pain go away.

I had no choice but to take control of my imagination and my fear of unemployment, my fear of not having medical insurance and my fear of the financial implications and my biggest fear of all – that I would have to go live with someone until I got back on my feet.  Of the above, the thought of having to leave my  home scared me the most.

There are no substitutes for financial independence, but I think that coping with the psychological side of unemployment is a critical component of the survival process and to redesigning you financial reality.

Losing a job is more than just losing a paycheck.  It is losing where you belong.  It is DEATH.  And as much as you hold your head high and march forth, telling yourself that you will survive, you know that inside you have no idea how many times you will face failure, rejection and unsuccessful trials before you reach some pinnacle of stability again.

What Worked for Me

• I selfishly took strength from knowing that the loss of my job did not mean the end of me.  Perhaps, I had no reason to think this way, but I did.  I know that the loss of a job has caused many people to injure themselves further,  but that is and will never be an option for me.  I had no choice but to take comfort from that which pained me.
  
  
• I stiffened my back and steeled my resolve by renouncing failure and reaffirming that I had more than enough work experience, a strong resume and excellent references to get another job.  I had enthusiasm and a go-getters attitude.  I had a desire to kick fate in the butt with my next success. And emotionally, I wanted to in-your-face the situation (and people) that had caused me so much pain and embarrassment.
  
  
• I refused to feel sorry for myself and I did not tell anyone whom I thought would feel sorry for me because I was not looking for pity, I was looking for support.
  
  
• I found a temporary assignment and I got up and went to work everyday just as if I had a permanent job.  I even asked my employers to give me more work because I did not want to loll around in a soft situation, doing little or nothing.   I wanted to work hard.  I needed to prove myself to me and that wasn’t going to happen if I slacked off what had been my work ethic and habits for years prior.  Working temporary gave me a chance to heal and to begin to apply insightful perspective while continuing to bring in an income and plan a comeback strategy.
  
  
• I kept up all of my other rituals - hobbies, reading, paying bills, maintaining my home, shopping and enjoying friendships – all while reinventing myself.  Reinvention in my case was necessary, because what I had been was destroyed and the only way to survive was to create something new out of the nothingness.  The continuation of my normal routines allowed me to transition from the world of what seemed like stability, to a world of uncertainty.  If I was going to be unemployed, then I needed to feel and live in my uncertainty in order to survive it.  I learned to expect that every day could bring setbacks, obstacles and missteps that I could not control.  So, I focused on taking each day as it came.
  
  
• I collaborated with those friends and family members who helped to shore up my confidence.  One friend stopped me from saying that I didn’t have a job, and instead told me that if I was getting up and going to work everyday and paying my bills, then I had a job.  She let me know that it didn’t matter if the job was not permanent.  For the ones who might have criticized me, I shared nothing.  I explained nothing and I didn’t let them question or pin me down.  If I was in pain, I never allowed them to know it.
  
  
• Finally, I had to accept that all things happen for a reason and that as much as I wanted to be part of this dream company, perhaps, it was not meant to be.  This insight was very hard to swallow, because I had never been as happy or challenged in a job in my whole career and had never felt as capable or prepared.
  
  
• I had to change my imagination process to that of one where an even better job existed for me somewhere in the wild blue employment yonder.  This was hard because my loss was still so fresh.  I could not visualize the faces of new bosses and co-workers.  I couldn’t picture my surroundings, I couldn’t picture an easier commute and I couldn’t see my future, plus, every so often I had to choke back the boulder that kept trying to jump out of my stomach through my mouth.
  
  
• In order to survive, I had to learn how to let the tears fall.  I had to learn to let the anger and rage have its voice.  I had to drown in the guilt then raise my head and swim out of it.  I had to struggle to keep from lashing out and hurting someone just because I was hurting.  I had to resolve with myself that yes, this kind of thing could happen, even to me. 
  
  
  

  What I Gained From This Experience

• Many people have told me how helpful I had been to them – even during this ordeal.  If I had not been looking in their faces and seeing their sincere eyes, it would have been hard for me to believe that, I, in the midst of my own numbness, could actually empathize enough to help somebody else.  So maybe, I will interpret this period in my life as a sign to focus on what I believe to be a divine calling and perhaps, from my own experiences I will find the inspiration to inspire the kindred hearts who are also dealing with troubling work and job issues.
  
  
• As much as this was probably one of the worst experiences of my life, thankfully, it did not consume my life or overshadow the other factors that are important to me – namely home, family, health and spiritual renewal and self reinvention
  
  
• As much as the loss of a job can be and is overwhelming.  And as much as it can overshadow and affect all other aspects of your life, I found a way to remember that the only way I was going to survive the loss is by acknowledging that a job is and was only one slice of the life pie.
  
  
• A job is a means to an end not an end to a means.  A job is a means of acquiring health benefits. It is not more important than health, itself.  A job is a means to providing shelter, food and clothing for yourself and your family.  It is not more important than family.  And most important, a job loss is not more important than emotional and positive growth.
  
  
• The loss of a job signifies the end of one way of survival and the beginning of another.  Don’t let the loss of your job cause you to lose your sanity.   You need all of your faculties and skills and abilities to climb out of your devastation.
  
  
• Don’t make a winner of your loss.  Rather make a winner of your survival.